Nothing Else Matters

Dream on brothers, while you can...
Dream on sisters, I hope you find the one...
All of our lives, covered up quickly.
By the tides of time.

-- Wasting Love, Iron Maiden

On September 19, 2026, a 19-year-old second-year IIT Bombay student died by suicide hours after he was found using a mobile phone during an examination. According to the institute, he had uploaded the question paper to ChatGPT seeking answers. The institute said that no disciplinary action had been initiated and that faculty members had counselled him and assured him that the incident would not damage his academic career. Authorities are investigating the circumstances surrounding his death. (The Indian Express)

On September 4, 2026, a 17-year-old student from Thane died by suicide after failing to secure admission to the institute where he hoped to pursue a dual degree. He had scored 95.7 per cent in his Class 12 science examinations but ranked outside the top 10,000 in the institute’s aptitude test. Police said that his family suspected no foul play and believed academic and admission-related distress may have played a role. (The Indian Express)

In August 2026, a 17-year-old Class 12 student in Ghaziabad died by suicide after allegedly experiencing bullying, social exclusion, humiliation, and harassment. According to her father’s complaint, a confrontation involving a classmate and his family was recorded and circulated in the school’s WhatsApp group. Police registered a case of abetment to suicide against four members of the classmate’s family, although the precise circumstances remain under investigation. (Hindustan Times)

In August 2026, a 17-year-old girl in Gurugram died by suicide after an online acquaintance allegedly manipulated her by falsely claiming that her rejection had caused him to take his own life. Her parents discovered the messages later and filed a police complaint. Police subsequently registered an abetment case against an unidentified suspect. (Hindustan Times)

Today, I am not going to dissect the news, nor am I going to advise anyone. I cannot read your mind. I will blame neither the education system nor how society handles depression, anxiety, bullying, etc. Don't expect a motivational speech in this article. I want to step into the shoes of a teen.

I will talk in a very emo and immature tone. I want us as young adults (22-25) and adults (25+) to read this and maybe understand the psyche of such a teenager, and maybe help them out.

The Power of Closure

Closure, as an interesting concept, has intrigued humans forever. And closure is never a conscious decision. A teenager's mind is not adept enough to understand the boundary where it can fathom the difference between quitting, closure, and laziness. They have no idea what peace is.

Let me give you a glimpse.

"I am done with this", "Why do I exist ?", "Why do I need to do this all the time ?", "When will this end ?", "There's no light in the end, there was never a tunnel, just a hole", "I don't matter", "Nothing Matters", "I am a disgrace", "It doesn't get better, only worse", "Everyone hates me", "I am dead weight on Earth", "Maybe, in another life", "There's an afterlife without suffering", "My head hurts", "I have nothing at all, what will I even lose, more than me", "I am a burden", "Take everything", "I am a coward", "I am lazy", "I hope I had more courage", "Why me ? Why me, God ?", "Why is it just me who gets and eats shit ?", "Why do others have it better ?", "Everyone laughs at me", "How will someone ever love the piece of shit I am ?", "Do I even deserve what I have"....

After 10 mins,

"My time has come."

And there it is: a rope, a cloth tied to a ceiling fan. A face with swollen eyes, a reddish-blue tinge on the lips, and that's one more chair than you'll need at the dining table.

To a teenage mind, that's closure. And humans have always been fascinated by it. Closure itself has provided relief to generations; the fascination with closure looks different at different levels of maturity, health, and prosperity. To someone stuck in a toxic family or relationship, it is moving out. To an ascetic, it is salvation. To a terminally ill old man, that's death. To someone bored by monotony, it's trying something new, and that's how it is for an Angry Young Man. There's nothing inherently different about the feeling of suicide. This misconception that it is different, is, exactly what has created the stigma around suicide, but that's a talk for another day. I want you to understand the perspective of a 17-year-old who thinks that closure means an end. A teenager's mind is not yet fully adept at seeing what's next for them, and hence, in that fragile state, closure means an end to suffering. In fact, the idea of suffering is also vague to them. For a teenager, it is not surprising that they might mistake inconveniences for suffering, and with limited evidence of what adulthood looks like, the ground truth is simply missing for them.

In my shoes, just to see
What it's like to be me
I'll be you, let's trade shoes
Just to see what it'd be like to
Feel your pain, you feel mine
Go inside each other's minds
Just to see what we find
Look at shit through each other's eyes

-- Beautiful, Eminem

It's Not the End - Believe Me, I Mean It.

What was the first rebellious thought you ever had?

Just think about this question. Was it running away with a schoolmate whom you thought of as a life partner? Was it hiding from your parents and lighting a cigarette just to register disobedience? Was it stealing from your dad's pocket to buy something your parents refused to buy?

What is that thing you thought you'd die for?

I won't judge you; it could be something as silly as getting an iPhone. Was it a dream of winning a competition? Did you lose your larynx while you wanted to be a singer? Is it an exam that you think will change your life? Is it a girl or a boy you intend to spend the rest of your life with?

Have you had any dehumanizing experiences?

Maybe you did something so objectionable that you want to hide your face? You learnt that you're not special, and it broke your view of yourself as a star boy or star girl? You had an abusive parent; maybe you were their venting machine? You were deemed less worthy of humane treatment because you looked ugly in someone's eyes...

In my lived teenage experience, the answers to the above questions can explain much of what a teenager feels. The feeling of inadequacy as a teen is a very convoluted concept. On the one hand, they don't have enough life experience to even have an existential crisis; on the other hand, their worldview is limited enough that superficial and petty things make up almost 99% of their life, hence the inadequacy. Calling them idiots is sheer adult negligence. It is shying away from our responsibility as adults to instill enough self-confidence in them to foster feelings of contentment and adequacy.

With the information explosion in the age of social media algorithms, easy access to information on the internet, etc., it is very easy to mistake someone else's fortune for "good living", a lack of abs for being "unfit", not having a girlfriend for "failure - a symbol of an uninteresting person", and small public embarrassments for "humiliation and loss of dignity". Even grown-ups are victims of the same. Thus, our audacity as adults to call these kids a "lost generation" is generational stupidity and negligence.

In a second-world society like India, there are many portals to a better life. There are many exams that feel like direct paths to upward mobility in life, be it UPSC, IIT-JEE, NEET, etc. A teenager's brain is not yet adept at understanding the difference between a lost opportunity and the end of life. A lost opportunity is NOT THE END OF THE WORLD. Your notion of what's normal, what's achievable, and what's far-fetched will always be determined by the kind of social circle you live in.

Say, for example, you appear for JEE and get into a good IIT, which has a selection rate of ~0.1%. To most people, you've achieved a feat. Funny enough, that's not the case inside IIT; everyone has aced the exam. You're just an ordinary IIT student. Your north star shifts, and now you'll find another goalpost to aim for.

"Comparison is the thief of joy," they say. Comparison in itself is not a bad sign. Having a north star in multiple aspects of life is not bad. But there's a fine line between when the "North Star" is merely a north star and when it becomes a "definitive measure of your existence".

The North Star isn't the only star in the night sky. There's Betelgeuse, the Saptarishis, Orion, etc. Do they lose their shine because they shift from time to time?

"Laaree Chhooti" is a real feeling

Popular literature and pop culture have made us believe in the notion that "the teenage years are the best years of your life". While you only get to be a teenager once, that is not how life works for everyone. For example, my short life of 22 years to date is a definitive example. I never want to live through my teenage years again, even if you promise me all the joys of the world.

This is for the teenager who thinks that things will get worse as they grow up. No, brother, that's not the case. As you grow, you will start to understand how unpredictably beautiful and simultaneously terrible life is. And sure, adulthood brings obligations, responsibilities, etc., but that doesn't make it objectively worse.

You will never know what might give you a sense of meaning in life. Even I don't know, and I am pretty sure people in their 40s might feel the same.

You should listen to the song "Laaree Chooti" by the band Call (2007). It has these lines:

Kya Hua Jo Larrri Chuti

Jeevan Ki Gadi Looti

Khwaab Hai To Mujhko Naa Jaga

Zindagi Ek Pal Mein Salli

Yun Palat Gai Humari

Jhooth Hai To Mujhko Na Bataa

(What does it matter if I missed the bus (train)? What if the vehicle of my life has been robbed?)
(If this is all just a dream, then do not wake me up.)
(In just a single moment, this wretched life of ours flipped completely upside down.)

(If this is a lie, then do not tell me.)

I promise you, if you stay just a little longer, you won't even realize when this moment hits you in life, making it feel as though nothing that happened before it, the past 20-25 years of your life, was real. It will feel like a dream. I am not kidding. I am not advocating ecstasy or utopia, but I can firmly attest to this. Give it some time; let it rest.

Learning to let go of bad experiences will take you places you can't even imagine. You need to experience betrayal, intimacy, humiliation, praise, love, responsibilities, death, separation, spirituality, politics, embarrassment, grief, pride, and whatnot...

It's quite contradictory for me to talk about life when I haven't lived long enough myself.